If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
