would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
