No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
