He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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