You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
