So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
