my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
