dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
