do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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