i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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