We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
