I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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