Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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