My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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