I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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