i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
