After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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