TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
