i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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