Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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