In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
