She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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