how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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