Your mouth is God's brothel.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
