Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
