I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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