I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This baby is an asshole
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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