this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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