Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
