You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
