is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
