ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
