Swine flu is the new snow day.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
