Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
