My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
