Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
