Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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