Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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