pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
