i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
