I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
