can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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