I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
