Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
