marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
