apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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