Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
