I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
