I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
