I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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