God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
